Oh my god! How unbelievable that your romantic partner isn’t the boyfriend or girlfriend material you dreamed of! They’re simply not perfect enough and you’re contemplating if you’d want to disregard them like a piece of wasted trash. Well interestingly enough, in recent years, influenced by a popular 2010s trend on social platforms like TikTok and Instagram, a new set of relationship terms has emerged—slang like red flag, green flag, yellow flag, and even beige flag. These metaphors are now used to describe whether someone’s behavior is utterly toxic, healthy, warrants caution, or just odd habits that aren’t necessarily bad or good.
Many often caption the trend as, “Asking my boyfriend if these are red flags or green flags, but I’m just describing him.” The funny part is that the boyfriend being quizzed isn’t aware that the behaviors their partner is describing are their own irksome quirks. While watching their exasperated reactions is quite entertaining, it has also caused quite a sensation online. Others have posted clips of their boyfriends’ green flags—such as turning their necks around for nice cars, but not for other girls, or happily eating whatever you cook for them. However, what’s shocking is how many cannot recognize that their partner’s gestures are the bare minimum, especially when it would be peculiar if they were to even appealingly glance at other attractive people. Unfortunately, many fall for that trap. As you engross yourself more in this trend, you may even immediately catch yourself thinking, “Oh, he’s such a green flag,” when witnessing someone do the bare minimum of offering a jacket to their significant other in the freezing winter. But then you come to realize that kicking off on the wrong path of obsessing over labeling every behavior as a certain color of flag distorts your perspective. Is your partner truly a green flag, or are they just doing what should be expected? Making you lose sight of what matters the most: your one and only other half; someone else shouldn’t be what makes you whole.
As exhausting as that appears to be, imagine yourself in a relationship where your partner makes breakfast for you every day and always cleans up after themselves. Would you describe them solely as a green flag? Probably not. Instead, you would likely talk about their lovable traits, great characteristics, and how you cherish them dearly. Plus, during the honeymoon phase, a moment in time where everything feels euphoric, it’s easy to see the world through rose-colored glasses, falling into an unavoidable void of over-romanticizing your “flawless” partner. You might constantly daydream about how your lover will meet all your high expectations and needs—assuming there would be no arguments and that they will instinctively know your thoughts. Establishing all those unrealistic standards sets you up to be detached from the actual person who loves you for who you are. But once reality knocks you down to the floor and you realize they’re not perfect—you’re in great disbelief! You might begin thinking, “They’re not what I imagined,” and consider breaking up right there and then. But really, you’re the issue. You’re only allowing yourself the opportunity to be disappointed repeatedly by demanding the impossible. Let’s not forget that cutting ties with all your soon-to-be-exes won’t give you a chance to truly find love if you’re criticizing everything they do and blaming only them. Besides, what happened to loving their clumsy sides? The authenticity that comes with being imperfect is humanizing and effortlessly gets rid of the initial tension and awkwardness from starting a new relationship.
Let’s face it, if you were seeing someone and saw them tripping over invisible things, wouldn’t you laugh in endearment? Or if you saw them stumbling over their words on the first date, wouldn’t you come to understand that they’re showing their genuine selves? You’ll come to see that they’re not putting on an act of trying to impress you with a polished facade; they’re honestly looking for a trusting, deeper connection with you.
In the end, expecting your significant other to check all the boxes of what you require them to be is quite impossible. Sure, maybe they’ll stop throwing their dirty clothes scattered all around the house. But they won’t change their hobbies, personality, or career paths to mold into your ideal partner. Pressuring them to conform is inhumane. They’re not some emotionless doll you can easily control on a whim. The easiest method to be satisfied and healthy (aka a real green flag relationship) is allowing yourself to expand your horizons by accepting the fact that your partner is just like you—flawed.
